To Be or Not To Be...

TO be or not to be?… and that's the question...

I came across a blog…a blog of a woman in mummydom..in her blog, she was sharing about her life just as it is…she is a doctor by profession, but her main priority in life is really to be a mummy…she dotes on her son…actually even before I discovered she has a blog, I know that she is the type of woman who dotes on her babies…it shows in her face and also in the face of the little boy she has…all the pictures that she took of her and her baby shows that…in fact, she came from a very family oriented family and hence that explains why she is also the same…she hasn’t been a mummy for too long, maybe just a wee bit over a year….she has got a really cute little boy…a woman magnet..! From all the photos his mum shared on her websites.. he is every picture of a woman magnet!

When I see the life of this person, she makes me want to be where she is too…She shared about how having one kid is not enough and even two probably not too! She wants three or more…She shared about how fulfilling it is being a mummy and also a wife..It is a feeling that one will not get by just playing with another person’s kid and when the baby is fretting, one just hand him back to the mum and dad. The fulfillment comes with the experience of all that fretting, tantrums and poo-ing and more…When she describes her motherhood, I could feel that she really really really enjoyed being where she is and wouldn’t trade places to be anywhere else in the world…and to think that she is 3 years younger and enjoying this life really amazes me. Ok..ok..I know I know, I am really not that young and I could have 2 kids already.. (quit nagging..)

There had been once upon a time in my life that I really thought that I was ready for all this..but at that time, I knew that deep down inside, I was afraid of marriage, of having kids, cos when they come out, there is no way to undo them and tell them to go back to where they come from! I was 25 then when I had all these thoughts..now looking back, I was glad that somehow someway it never worked out…

In the past 6 years, I have had the best times (or rather make the best out of) of my bachelorette life. I have done the things that I had wanted to do,that was on my check list, that perhaps would not be made possible after I have kids..I would say that I had satisfy my thirst for adventures..

Don’t get me wrong, I have always had this desire to be a mummy, (somehow deep down inside, I think that I will be a good mummy, like my mum, except that perhaps I will tune it down a bit because..shhhh..i think that my mum was too ‘kan cheong’ being a mum..not necessarily a bad thing ..) but I thought that since it isn’t my time yet to do my time in ‘mommydom’ I just want to make the best out of whatever that is laid in front of me..

I don’t know if I will have a chance to be a mummy, there have been jokes of me being the next Angelina; adoption, and perhaps a sperm bank?! There was also a question posed to me as to what I will do if I am a millionaire and to which I said, I will adopt a football team of kids…!

But the thing is, I also suddenly realized that being a good mummy alone will not be enough to bring up a balanced (and not screwed up) kids. The influence of a father figure is very important to provide a sense of security to the kid.

Thing is, I haven’t been giving much thought about the father figure as much as I have about the baby… (hmm..perhaps there are some strongholds in the past that I will need to break but hasn’t broken)

And hence I am back to my first question..to be or not to be…a mummy?

P/S: Ok this doesn’t mean that I endorsed you to look for the father figure for me….if you know me well enough, you will know that I will be upset with you if you do that…